Posts tagged: jessica alba

Machete Kills (2013)

Machete Kills (2013)

Machete Kills (2013)

What the fu*k? No, really! I enjoyed the first movie, but this one is a piece of sh*t. I can find a couple of good jokes, like the gun that “turns the sh*t inside out” or even the penis gun shown above. Then, well, you have Lady GaGa, and seeing a guy turning into Lady GaGa can make you smile. Other than that, stupidity after stupidity. The story is dumb, characters are dumb, even the gore is dumb. And no, I will not watch the next one, that promises yet more dumbness. Even Jessica Alba disappears right in the beginning of the movie. Rated 3/10 @ imdb.

Machete (2010)

Machete, 2010
Machete, 2010

For those who already watched Machete, yes, I could resist and not post here one of the girls. For those who didn’t see the movie yet, I can name Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Lindsay Lohan, Alicia Rachel Marek, Ara Celi, Electra Avellan and, of course, Mayra Leal that I mistook by Eva Mendes. If this isn’t enough to make you see the movie, then I should tell it is fun, lot of fun! Also, it is violent. Lots of violence and blood. But who cares?

Into the Blue 2: The reef (2009)

Into the Blue 2

Into the Blue 2

I confess, this movie was on my watch list, after watching the first, because of the girls. The first had Jessica Alba, this one has Laura Vandervoort. And this is the only reason to take 92 minutes and watch it. 30% of the movie are underwater images of fauna and flora, 30% are girls (and, unfortunately, boys) in the beach, and 40% of the movie is action. The story? The same as the first Into the Blue. Nothing new. Also, not properly narrated, as the movie ends and there is no information about what happened to the bad… don’t tell me they were preparing a third movie… only if you add top-less to 20% of it 😛